Relinquishing my soul

What many people don't know about me is my extreme obsession with Immortality, my brother is really the only one that know's of the full extent to which I will go to to achieve everlasting life. I have researched everything from Hela's immortality gene to Dr. Aubrey Grey's research into the seven ways we die, the Hayflick limit and even supernatural means... now I'm a realist and an Atheist, so believing in supernatural means to become immortal is quite the challenge considering I'm fairly sure that there is absolutely nothing but black conscienceless nothingness after we die. But I have hope. Hope that I can acquire something that has baffled everyone since our evolution into Homo Sapien Sapiens, something that can sustain my body for all of eternity... maybe this obsession stems from the fact that I want to try everything, taste, smell, touch, do EVERYTHING! But I only have a good 100 years or so (this age takes into account medical advancements and such) to do everything in. Now I can say that I have enchanted spells to summon Lucifer and even Death to no avail of course... this was when I was about 14 -15 years old, immature and arrogant but this was when I was irrationally into death metal and satanic rituals... surprisingly if you know me you would never believe me to be capable of this considering my appearance and demeanour in the present. 

This picture was taken when I was 16... two years later below this picture, I tend to display a less depressive look. 

So this blog was really just a way of inviting you into my personal life and so on and so forth...

Also in the near future when I am a bit older and when my brother is able to get one, me and him have agreed to get tattoos detailing our differences to each other... he will get this tattooed on his right arm...

While I get this tattooed on my left arm...

Something Rather Imperfect

I feel so nervous, Prom is near and really, for once in my life I am worrying about what I'm going to look like and how others will perceive me. And with the end of school I feel so relieved but also anxious about the future, leaving this town is going to be so good but at the same time, I'll miss my family so much. I haven't felt this emotionally human in a long time, normally I don't show that much of myself to anyone, instead hiding behind smiles and accents and an excessive amount of ego. Also the Prom After-Party shall be interesting if it even happens haha $15 actually isn't that much for a contribution, I have a job, and I can afford the BYO as well, I'm just going along with the crowd with the whole "complaining about transport and the host's massive profit margin". Anyway I don't have pictures of my actual ride for Prom yet or my suit, so I will entertain you with representations of what I will wear and arrive in.  These are variations of the vest, haven't decided though... my actual suit and ride will be put up soon.

A Life

'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for.'

A Mirage

I can keep that strong stance, take the pain and remain peaceful. I never feel aggression and turn every conflict inside out to represent the empathetic nature of humanity. A smile is all I need and I know I've done my job, but I know when to stop with the smiling and remain in the shadows. I am more influential in your life despite my lack of presence, you just don't notice it. Social networking and SMS hides the cheer and the anger and the sarcasm and the truth. I don't need to smile over chat and I rarely do. When I smile I feel alive but unfortunately it accounts for 2% 1% of my day, the other 99% is filled with guilt, jealousy, pain, despair, questions unanswered... But I know I must remain strong and for the rest of my life I will remain honourable to my family and never waver to protect my siblings because such delicacies that are tasted by humans such as fear and want are cast away as the world turns into the hell it was destined to become and I will stand there smiling as I am invincible with my family, nothing can beat me with my family and because of my family I would see this world burn just to see a smile on their faces. Now I said the only time I was happy was when I was smiling. Ever heard of a crocodile smile...